I'm especially glad you thought it worked -- you're my Snape barometer! And, it turns out "gut-wrenching" is a FABULOUS compliment to a writer (which I just sort of realized as I wrote that sentence is what I am. ... ... Gah. ... )

Back now. So yeah, the very first time I met with Tith to discuss the story (clearly, I needed someone to help make sure the bond didn't have glaring holes in it), she asked for this scene, and "Snape says 'please'" has been a plot point ever since. It's also why the second half of the Remus/Harry discussion got bumped to flashback; the tension just wasn't there, and, you know, plot point.